Oops... It's been too long!

Sorry for no recent update. Things have been crazy with the holiday season in full force.

Baby Nico is 8w2days along with a due date of 7/11/11! Thank you come again! I am so terribly ill these days, but I know it's all worth it (esp for what we went through to get pregnant). I throw up about 3-4 times a day. I even made Sal pull over on the highway this morning so I could.... Ya know! It happens. I also have strep and a horrible cold that leaves me feeling AWFUL. I cannot take anything so I am trying to gargle salt water and other home remedies. Nothing works. LOL

Today was our last appt. with the RE Specialist! I was released today and seeing my regular OBGYN on Dec 13th. So very excited and a huge milestone!

I promise to keep you more updated (with pictures too) as soon as I start to feel normal again!

5 Week and 1 Day...

That's how far along I am! Wahooo! This Saturday I have my 3rd Beta's (2nd betas were great @ 295) and an Ultrasound to see the sack and fetal pole. I am praying everything is good. I am so nervous. It is so hard to not be concern after taking such measures to get pregnant. I am a nervous nelly. Thank goodness for my close friends and Sal, they keep me level headed.

Symptoms so far... Sore boobies, cramps (some not bad and other bad), many bathroom trips, an EMOTIONAL wreck, some exhaustion and bad heartburn! BUT I LOVE IT ALL BECAUSE I AM PREGNANT!

The Results are in........

and we're pregnant! Holy crap! WAHOOOOOOOO! I cannot believe it! I feel so very blessed that this worked on our very first time with IF treatment! It almost doesn't seem real! AHHHHHHHH!!

I go back for my 2nd betas on Saturday. Today my count was 106. My nurse said anything over 50 is good! Now, we pray that this is our sticky baby!

I am still in shock. I cannot believe it!

Well, it's November!

I cannot believe how fast this year has gone by. People used to warn me when I was younger and I never believed them! I want time to stop!


Well, I go in for the official pregnancy test on Thursday November 4th. I am so not looking forward to this! Of course I would if I knew I had good news, but I don't know anything. The waiting is killing me. I honestly think knowing all the dates for exams and blood work make it that much more harder. So many friends and family members have told me to stop thinking about it... BUT how many of them actually had to go through all this? None of them. It's truly a killer. Waiting... Wishing... Hoping.. Praying... Ahhhh!

2 more days!!!

Rough Day...

Sometimes I feel like you just need a mental day... Well, today is that day for me. I am so sad and I have no idea why. My hormones are effing crazy from all the drugs, I suppose. I just have this gut wrenching feeling that this is not going to be our month. I was so optimistic for days and now, I am not. What a terrible feeling.

I am trying my hardest to regain my positive thoughts, but it is not working. I think having so many friends and family members expecting really takes a toll on me. I know, I know.. Think what you want, but like I always say, until you experience what it is like to not get pregnant on your own then please spare me. Do not tell me to "relax" or "God will give a baby when your ready" REALLY!? Is that why America has the highest teen pregnancy rate? Yeah, think again. I doubt they were ready.

Is it so hard to understand that all us infertile people want is what you have? I will take the morning sickness, tiredness, kicks, and uncomfortable sleeping!!! I WANT IT ALL!

I just have a hard time understanding why God has punished us. I feel like I am being punished. I am sure others feel the same. It's such a crappy situation. But in the end I do know that we will have a family one day and hopefully soon, LOL. Sometimes you just need a day to feel crappy and get out of the rut!

Love this Article!

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/10/24/AR2010102402856.html


Isn't that the truth. Very well written.

Progesterone Levels...

Came in late afternoon yesterday and of course they are low. Why would my body do something right?! So Sal gave me another injection last night and hopefully that will keep my progesterone levels up. Fingers crossed! 10 days to go!

I need motivation... ASAP!

This morning I had more blood work to test my progesterone levels. I am waiting for my nurse to call me back with the results. If my progesterone is low, then more injections. FUN! So fingers crossed for that! Let me tell though, not going to the doc in Morristown (40mins) every other day (like I was for 3 weeks) is AMAZING! I feel like I am worn out from all the treatment.

Sal and I got out Halloween costumes in the mail yesterday. I love them! We are Princess Peach and Mario, from Super Mario Brothers. ;-) They are a little snug, but that's what happens when you get fat! LOL

I am in some serious need of motivation lately. Our house is a mess and I need to clean, but I do not want to! I have laundry, dishes, dusting UGH! I always tell myself that if I just keep up with it, it wouldn't be as bad. Why don't I ever take my own advice! LOL For dinner I wanted to make homemade chicken noodle soup, but I know Sal will give me the "Soup, for dinner?!" haha. So I will make him a cheese-steak or something. I really want some good soup. I hope it comes out good!

Beautiful Flowers from the "Hubster"

I have such an amazing Husband. Someone that loves me for me and makes me smile and laugh endlessly. He is my soul mate and my best friend. I cannot wait to make him a Daddy. He deserves it so much and will be the best daddy, I just know it. xoxo

Another Amazing day!

So this morning Sal and I went for part 2 of the IUI. Again, Sal had great numbers so I am hoping that's a plus. Today was much easier than yesterday. Even though I had the young cute doctor perform my procedure! (Blushing!) ha!

Now, the dreaded wait begins.... I will go Sunday (the 24th) for blood work to check my progesterone levels and then we have to wait until Nov. 4th for the actual betas. (pregnancy blood work) to see of this month worked. My hopes are way up. How could anyone go through all this and not have their hopes up?! It's all you think about because it becomes your life with all the doc appts and treatments. Crazy, yet fascinating!

I had lunch today with my closest friend, Amy. We had a great time. Went to Cheesecake factory. Ate, chatted, shared delish cheesecake and coffee. Yum. It was fun!

Once again, I feel so blessed today. The hubster sent me beautiful flowers yesterday. "Just because I love you" is what the card read. It touched my heart as he knows everything we're going through right now. I love him to death. He is my best friend. I am also very blessed today because I have such amazing supportive friends. Well, for the ones that care and actually ask! I am so lucky these people are the reason I am staying so positive, besides Sal. They keep me on track and I love them so much for that!

Live. Laugh. Love. - Words to live by!

D- Day...

Well, this morning Sal and I went in for our very first IUI. (insemination). Sal went in at 7am to be the good little donor and I went in at 8:30am. Before they preform the procedure they doing something to the sperm called, spinning. It gets rid of all the germs and stuff I do not need. Apparently, Sal has some great swimmers! (Let's not fed the ego! LOL)

So when it was my turn to go in I felt like everything was going wrong. First, I had a twig lodged in my front axle of my car and had to pull over an pull it out! Luckily, no damage! Then I hit MASSIVE traffic! I called the doctor's office in a panic, thinking the clock was ticking. Luckily, I was only 20 mins late. When I got into the room, my nervousness hit me! I didn't know what to expect. The doctor came in and 2 mins later, we were done! Easy Breezy! Well, it was terrible and I think after everything I am going through makes it that much easier.

We go back tomorrow for another IUI. Yup, that's right! 2 in 2 days! Better chances. I am more prepared now for tomorrow and what to expect, but this is not nearly as bad as the 10 days of injections, blood work and dildo cam!!

I would also like to mention that I have some pretty awesome friends. I know as of right now none of my friends know about this blog, but when I do publish it they will go back and read this. I want them to know how much they mean to me and how much I appreciate their love and support!

Special thanks to Cheryl, Kelly, Beth, Amy, and my "U" coach, Dana! Besides my hubster, Sal, these are the greatest friends a girl could ask for, especially at a time like this!

Finally, music to my ears!!

Today was an amazing day! I got fantastic news from my doctor this morning! I had my routine morning monitoring, blood work and D cam.The 2 follies that are growing on the left side are both 20mm and ready for the IUI!! Yipppeeee! So tonight I will take the "trigger" (HCG shot) and will have 2 IUI's. One tomorrow morning and the other on Thursday morning. I am so nervous and excited. I really hope this is it for us! I know, usually first time IUI's are big fat negatives, but I am trying to be optimistic!

I really don't have anything else to say because I am so excited. I will check in tomorrow and update how the procedure went! yay!

Trying to stay Positive!

So this morning was yet another Doctor appt, (Visit # 5 this week) or what they call; Morning Monitoring. (For all patients using injections or stimulates for fertilization). I waited SO LONG this morning. It was packed and I thought that was strange for a Sunday, but that's why they are open 7 days a week. I got good news and I got bad news.

Bad news first. I have 2 more nights of the Follistim injections. Ugh. I am so burnt out from this. It is mentally exhausting. I have to go back on Tuesday morning for more blood work and D cam. Good times. Other bad news... We had to open our 2nd month supply of follistim. BIG UGH!! We paid so much money and it makes me sick if this doesn't work or it gets canceled.

Good news! I have 2 follies growing beautifully on the left side. They are 13 and 14mm. In order for us to "trigger" and have the IUI, we need those follies to be between 17-20mm! ALMOST THERE!! And with only 2 follies (maybe 3) the risk of the IUI being canceled is not too high. If I had more follies growing then it could be canceled, but not the case as of today! PLEASE stay this way! Things are looking up!

In the end, I have to remind myself why we are doing this. After all the bitching and complaining about the money, copays, and doctor visits IT WILL BE WORTH IT IN THE END. Stay positive and move forward. That's all I need right now! ;-)

My Niece.. KylieBear!

And here is a pic of my little munchkin niece, Kylie. We had a fun bath time the other night! She brightens my day... as do all my 11 (soon to be 13) nieces and nephews do!!! ;-)

I am already sick of it...

Some people had warned me of the emotional toll going though fertility treatments was going to bring, but I did not expect all these ups and downs.

I went to my morning monitoring this morning to find out my follies are still not growing! WTF- is the first thing to cross my mind. Can't I just have a normal body and reproductive system?? Ugh, so I am doing another 2 nights of the follistim injections (8 nights total) and they upped my dosage. I have to go back on Sunday at 6am for more blood work and D cam. I am praying that the 3 possible follies are growing. I really don't want to tap into my 2nd month supply of follistim. We paid 24oo dollars out of pocket for just the injections and I pay 50 bucks every time I go to the doctors office. It's disgusting how much this cost, but in the long run it's worth every penny!!

I also went winter coat shopping today with Sal. I think that is why I am so depressed tonight... I have gained so much weight in the last year, it is disgusting. I've gained 42lbs. Ugh!! I honestly think I let the job status (being unemployed) and the infertility issues get to my head. I hate when I do this. I use food as comfort when I am down. I need to get back into shape asap. I hate feeling this way! So I didn't find a coat. They all looked horrible on me. Booohoo! Time to get my ass in gear and at least work out. I am forcing myself to walk at least 20 mins a day starting tomorrow. I will check in to make sure I follow through!

Rainy Day in Jersey, but my Sun is still shining.

Oops! I forgot to post the last few days! ;-)

So where did I leave off... My injections are going rather smoothly. I had a 6am appt. on Wednesday for more bloodwork and dildo cam again. My follicles are not growing yet, but my estrogen is up! Which is a good sign the will be growing soon! So my doctor had me do 2 more nights of the follistim injection and wants me back tomorrow (Friday) at 6am again for more blood work and another visit with D cam to see my progress. I am really hoping I DO NOT have more than 3 or 4 follicles growing. If I have too many, they may cancel my IUI because the risk of releasing too many eggs. I really do not want to be like Kate +8.

Not in my infertility world... I got to hangout with my 3 favorite little people today! My nephews, Ben (4) and Jonny (3), and my Niece, Kylie (1)! My sister and I are very close and I treasure our relationship. I am very excited that my sister is also pregnant with TWINS!! She always wanted a big family and she deserves it. She is the best Mom I know. We had a blast. They make all the bad go away. I love them.

I'm a Wuss!

So last night was my first fertility injection. I went into the doctor's office at 7am Saturday morning for blood work and an ultrasound. (aka, Dildo cam) Dildo cam and I have become really close nowadays. I get to see him at least 2-3 times a week. He is just awesome. NOT.

Anyhow, my nurse called me around noon and said "tonight's the night.. Start your first injection". At that point I was so excited, but nervous at the same time. As much as you can tell yourself "don't get your hopes up", I already do.

I will be 100% honest... I cried before Sal even stuck the needle in me. When I am at the doctors office, I will suck it up and act fine, but NOT at home. This thing hurts like hell! Well, I am being dramatic. I didn't hurt really.. Just stung for a few minutes after. I think it's just the thought of doing it that gets me. Or maybe that it's Sal's first time injecting a needle into someone?! Probably.

I have to do this for 4 nights at the same time every night. I dread 7pm. I really do... BUT if this is what it is going to take to make Sal a daddy (and me a mommy) then I will do anything. On Wednesday I have to go back at 6am for more blood work and another ultrasound. Why? When on fertility meds, the doctors need to monitor what's going to make sure it's not too much or too little. Everything is designed on a time line. On Wed if my follies look good, then my doctor will schedule our first IUI (insemination) and then I will use the "trigger" injections (HCG) to force ovulation. Fingers crossed!

I see so many naive people these days and it truly breaks my heart. In a way, I feel blessed to being going through this because it helps me understand and respect others that have fertility issues. Some people just don't realize how hurtful some comments about getting/being pregnant are. It's like a stab to the heart, a sucker punch to the stomach, etc. It sucks. Period. These naive people really just don't know any better and while it's not their fault because they have never experienced it themselves, I only hope that one day they will realize.

Getting pregnant is a blessing. ENJOY and LOVE it.

Out with the old, in with the new...

Today I had one of my great friends, Amy, over to make apple pies. We went apple picking recently and decided we needed to bake with them! Duh!

Amy and I have grown close over the last 1 year. She married one of Sal's best friends. The funny part... I've known Amy longer then Sal and Joe (Amy's hubster) have. Amy and I went to school together and we were very close. I was a grade above her and as I graduated we grew apart. We never fought or had a bad ending to our friendship, we kind of just drifted apart.

I honestly believe that everything happens for a reason, but I wish we never stopped talking! She is my closest friend, kind of like sisters. We talk about EVERYTHING and she is the only person I can stay on the phone with for hours. She's a great friend and I am so happy we found our way back to each other. I am truly blessed to have her in my life.

Since Amy and I became close again it made me realize 'Who are my true friends?!' You think you know and to be honest... I only consider a few people true friends. Amy and Cheryl.

Cheryl and I meet as NJ knotties! We planned our weddings together through a message board. We have grown so close and I consider her a great friend. Who would have thought of that?!

Which brings me to my point. I've had so many "friends" that never call, or care to think of me. They are all selfish. They may say the same about me, but that's my point. I don't care to know what is going on in their life. That sounds so mean, but a friendship is 50/50. They have NO idea what's going on in my life and they try to pretend they do. It's fine to have friends and that's what they are, but they're not true friends.

Quality over quantity.

Got to start somewhere...

Well, I finally started a Blog. ha! I've wanted to start one for a very long time, but I was being super lazy. So, here it is.

A few things to start.

1. Why my Blog is called Sunny Side Up... Lately, life has thrown me some serious curve balls. I try not to dwell on them, but they continuously find a way to damper my day. So this blog is designed to make me dwell on the good in my life!

2. This Blog is also to document my story as my husband and I deal with something a couple never wants to hear. Infertility.

3. Some things may come off really bitchy or insensitive of me... So I will apologize now in advance. I am being 100% honest and it may hurt a few people.

The TTC Journey Begins...

My hubster, Sal, and I started TTC in the beginning of this year. After months of negative HPTs and getting my hopes up, I started to chart to see what my body was doing. After months of paying attention to my body's every move, I noticed something wasn't right. I made an appointment with my OBGYN in August and she decided to run some test. Charting is not something I wanted to do unless I needed some answers, which in my case helped for a month or two. May I add that in my opinion, charting makes you more obsessive and I could not handle that. So I stopped in August.

(Side note: I am not going to get into too many details, just the basics for now)

Well, my hunch was right. My FSH levels were high (Egg quality: the higher the # is not good) and I had 2 large polyps on my uterine wall. Which was causing heavy periods and spotting all month. So my OBGYN referred me to an RE. Reproductive Endocrinologist. I left her office in tears and called Sal crying my eyes out. I know it may seem to some as no big deal, but until you experience what it is like to not be able to get pregnant on your own, then shut your mouth. (mmmkay? thanks)

So on September 7th, Sal and I went to our first RE appt. Let me tell you, HOLY OVERWHELMING! It was about 3 hours long, exams, blood work, etc. I felt relieved in a way because we were on track to having out first baby, but still sad because I cannot get pregnant on my own.

So here is the deal with my messed up reproductive system. I have a high FSH level. Generally, the lower the number the better, anything under a 10 is okay, but 3-4 is good; Meaning more eggs and better quality. I do not have a lot of eggs and they are poor quality. My numbers have been, 10.2, 17, and 15 in the last 3 months. Not too bad, but definitely not good. My polyps are no longer an issue (as my doc put me back on the pill for the last 2 months to reduce them, yay No surgery!) and we get to start our first IUI (insemination) this month. I received my injections (Follistim and Ovidrel). They cost us a crap load of money, but I am hoping this works for us. If it doesn't work I am not sure how I will take it. I already have my hopes up.